


Apathetically Ambitious

by ukaia_dorei



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety Sanders Mentioned, Emotional Manipulation, Food mention, He's still a slimy boy, I'm Bad At Tagging, It's not entirely his choice, Manipulation, Physcial Manipulation, Slightly sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-20 23:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17631452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukaia_dorei/pseuds/ukaia_dorei
Summary: Logan is struggling with his emotions after the last video "Learning New Things About Ourselves". While he's trying to process, and figure out how to keep his anger from overflowing again, possibly harming someone again, Deceit steps in and offers him a ray of hope. He explains that there is a side that Logan doesn't know about, one who wants to help the logical side with controlling his emotions. All he has to do is trust Deceit and come to the Dark Side of the Mindscape with him. Logan looks at the offered hand.. he knows he shouldn't take it. He should throw Deceit from his room. But against his better judgement.. he takes it.





	Apathetically Ambitious

**Author's Note:**

> I originally posted this on Tumbler, and thought I'd post it here. I've re-worked it though to make it flow better and make a bit more sense, at lest I hope it does. Comments and constructive criticism is always welcome. Please let me know if I've missed any tags and I'll adjust them right away! I hope that you enjoy it!! Thanks for reading!!

Deceit smirked slightly as he stood in Logic's room, watching from his carefully chosen hiding spot, one that he'd been using for the last couple of months to whisper his lies to Logan. Spinning his half truths, and enforcing the negative thoughts Logan had. It had all been a slow build up to this day, the day Logan lost to his emotions and behaved irrationally, illogically. The trap was well baited and sprung, he only needed the final push.

Just as they thought he would, Logan had all but fled to his room locking the door behind him as soon as the video had ended, despite the calls of the others to come and talk to them. Deceit watched as Logan stood in the middle of the room, his breathing becoming slightly erratic as he struggled under the emotions that were weighing heavy on him. He watched as a shaking hand slid into his pocket and retrieved his precious note-cards. For a long moment Logan simply stared at the cards, as if he didn't understand what they were, his eyes became fixated on the crumpled one that rested on top of the other pristine cards. His entire body trembled, and then slowly the crumpled one rolled off and fell to the floor. The damn broke, and with a cry of something that sounded like a mixture of anger and fear and grief the cards, his precious cards, were thrown at the trash. They fluttered like snow around the can, some landing inside, others floating lazily to the floor. The offending card that had hit Roman was picked up from it's resting place on the floor, with shaking fingers. He held the paper, his breathing sharp and heaving and in a moment of illogical anger, Logan caught it on fire and burned it to ash. Deceit let out a slight breath and straightened up his clothing, it was time for him to play his proper part. He slipped out of hiding.

A slow hand clap brought Logan out of his daze, watching the ash staining his hand and fluttering to the ground. He turned sharply seeing Deceit leaning against the wall near the door. A smirk was on the liar's face as he watched Logan, who quickly straightened his tie, smearing ash across the black and blue stripped tie, and staining grey against the black shirt. He stared at the other side, his mind racing, how long had Deceit been standing there? How much of his shameful outburst had he seen? How had he not noticed the Liar in his room? Logan grit his teeth, emotions, he despised them, they blinded him to far too many things! He took in a sharp breath and brushed his hands together, trying to pull himself into a calmer air of nonchalance.

"What do you want Deceit?" Logan was pleased his voice came out calm, and as even as normal. Not betraying the still whirling emotions that were threatening to drown him, not letting on the struggle that he was having at the moment. His eyes narrowed as Deceit pushed himself from the wall and walked towards Logan, his steps even and slow. Logan stood still, his back ramrod straight as the other circled around him, he refused to give leeway to the Liar as he was circled like prey. Deceit smirked once more before finally speaking.

"That was a magnificent display of keeping all your emotions under control Logic" he said, his voice sarcastic and his lips curling in a half smile as he stared at Logan. Much to Logan's displeasure Deceit leaned a little closer, invading his personal space. He grit his teeth once more, taking in slow even breaths to keep his emotions in check, refusing to back down from the other or show any other weakness.

“I haven't warned you that you should let out all your feelings”he said, his voice changing from sarcastic to soft and soothing. He leaned closer to Logan, now close enough that the Logical side could feel the warmth from the Snake. He didn’t need Deceit mocking him for his loss of control. His fingers curled into a fist, and he tried to focus on his breathing once more, trying to tune out the silken words that came from the Liar. He would regain his control, and resume dealing with those pesky emotions the way he always had everything would be fine, there would be no other outbursts from him. 

“I think it’s pathetic you only injured his eye and not more.” Deceit continued, his warm breath brushed around Logic’s ear and the other side shivered ever so slightly. It shouldn’t have been impressive that he’d held back that much. Logic should never give in to his emotions. He should never have thrown that card and injured Roman! He sighed, with the way Deceit was leaning so close, being so instant, he knew the other wouldn’t leave until he paid him a small amount of attention. Logan leveled a glare at the other side.

“Enough Deceit. What do you want? I’m busy” Logan snapped, his voice held barely controlled ire, directed at the yellow eyed man. Deceit grinned more hearing the barely contained rage in Logan's voice. 

“I only want to hinder you in your effort to control your emotions!” He said in a mock hurt voice. Deceit put his hand on his chest, stepping away from Logan, and in a pale imitation of Roman’s usual “extraness” as he looked at Logan, moving flamboyantly for a moment. If he’d hoped that Logan would be amused at the antics he was disappointed as the glare never wavered. Figured. Deceit sighed and dropped his pretenses crossing his arms across his chest, he was too tired to keep up so much acting. He just wanted this over with to be ha.. honest.

“I do not happen to know a side that is willing and eager to help you. They are not someone I have spoken with many times, and they are not in agreement with your line of thought that Logic should have less control over their emotions.” He said in an annoyed tone. He tapped his foot on the floor as he spoke, an odd bitter tone hinting at his words, along with a tone of exhaustion that seemed to be creeping in as well. Logan felt his eye twitch at the thought of Deceit discussing his.. him with another side. And why did he have that exhaustion lacing his words?

“And I love playing messenger between you both.” Deceit added under his breath, though he seemed to flinch, a sharp intake of breath accompanying the action as if something had just hurt him. Logan, frowned trying to measure the truth behind the words Deceit had spoken. One of the sides agreed with him? Agreed that his emotions were extra and pointless, that they had no place in clouding Logic's judgement? He pondered the thought, starting to pace a little bit. Deceit watched as Logan mulled over his words. It obviously was a dark side, or he would know about them already. Even with his knowledge, the Darksides remained fairly well hidden thanks to Deceit, and Thomas’s unwillingness to acknowledge them. What one would be interested in Logic and his emotions though?

Logan began to pace his room, what Darksides did he already know of? Deceit, Rage, Lust, those he knew were there. He thought there might be Depression, but only because of Anxiety's existence, the two often went together, although one didn’t depend on the other. Thomas could very well have Anxiety with out a trace of depression, or he could even develop it later. He was getting distracted, with a sharp shake of his head he resumed pacing. What other sides could there be? What side could possibly agree, and be willing to assist Logan in getting rid of.. ah no.. controlling.. his emotions? Patton would be quite upset with him if he got rid of all of his emotions, but controlling them would be..fine, he was sure ofit. He sighed a little bit, honestly there was almost an infinite amount of possibilities considering that Thomas was human, and emotions and functions and well dysfunctions were vast and ever changing. He stopped finally, his teeth nibbling his bottom lip for a few moments as he debated the pros and cons. Well no matter the side or dysfunction that they were, if they resided in the Darksides area, and were not strong enough to even be known about then there should be no harm in meeting them, hearing them out, just once. Knowledge was always the best way to overcome any problem that stood in his way, and if a Darkside had a way or methods in accomplishing what he wanted, then he would have to learn it! 

“Very well” Logan said looking at Deceit who’d started to idly stare at his gloves, as if studying his nails. Honestly he was just tired, waiting for Logan to reject the offer or throw him out. The sudden agreement from Logan had him jump slightly, he looked surprised for a moment before he quickly schooled his face into a smile.

“This is not wonderful news. Lets go” He said holding out his hand. Logan studied it for a moment before sighing, and taking it. It was much easier for a Darkside to sink into their part of the Mindscape then it was for a Lightside. It was equally as difficult for a Darkside to enter the Lightside's Mindscape, not impossible, but difficult either way. Virgil and Deceit being the current exceptions to that, as they both seemed to be more in the grey area's then strictly dark or light.

Logan winced slightly as Deceit sunk them out, the Darksides way of moving was different from his own and left him slightly disorientated as they arrived in the Darksides central room. Wasting no time Deceit began to lead him down the hall dropping Logan's hand expecting him to follow. Logan shivered slightly, it was always a bit colder in the Darkside’s area, but he followed Deceit, taking the opportunity to better observe the Darksides Mindscape. The colors were muted, the lights dimmer, everything had a feeling of being darker and less welcoming. How Anxiety had ever survived being in this area with his panic attacks Logan wasn’t sure. The atmosphere couldn’t have been helpful when he needed to calm down, in fact it had probably enhanced the likeliness of having an attack when he was on the verge of one. He shook the thoughts from his head, realizing he'd nearly missed Deceit turning down a hall, being to caught up in his own thoughts. He refocused and followed Deceit down the quiet halls attempting to memorize the path they had taken, just in case.

As he was led deeper and deeper into the Darksides Mindscape, Logan was starting to have second thoughts. They was getting uncomfortably close to the subconscious, and that could be dangerous to any side. Lingering too long in the subconscious could cause a side to be lost to the mind for good, breaking them down to their basic functions and destroying the personality. He shuddered at the thought.

“Here” Deceit said stopping suddenly, causing Logan to nearly run into his back. The door that they were stopped before was a plain grey door, not really big or small. There were a few markings carved into the wood, they seemed worn and faded so nothing stood out. It was as if the door was trying to be a door and completely invisible at the same time. Deceit lifted his hand and knocked on the wood. 

“Come in” a voice called out after a few moments. Deceit opened up the door and stepped in, moving slightly to the side. Logan followed him into the room, looking around curiously. A bed, a dresser, a chest, and two more doors were all easily seen. He presumed one of them led to a closet and one to a bathroom, very typical of each room in the Mindscape. The entire room was done in a off grey/blue color. The walls were only a shade lighter then the floor, and the bed and dresser had been painted a flat grey color. Nothing stood out, nothing stuck to the mind it was strange how little detail everything seemed to have.

“I brought Logic, he’s not curious to hear what you have to say.” Deceit said to the side who stood from the bed and walked to them. Logic studied the side as they approached. Like all of them he looked like Thomas, but with his own quirks. The brown hair was lackluster and lay limply on his head. His eyes were a washed out looking light brown. As if they could be brown, but had a film over them. The side smiled ever so slightly, pale lips stretched out,as though the simple action took an effort to do. His skin was paler then Thomas’s, but darker then Virgil's, over all he just looked… washed out. Logan wondered if that was how the Side always looked, or if it was due to his proximity to the subconscious. 

“Thank you so much Deceit. You know how hard it is for me to go that far, or well anywhere. I appreciate you taking the time to go and get him for me!” He said. While there were slight infliction’s in his tone and manner of speaking, the other sounded nearly monotonous. Deceit simply nodded, not quite meeting the other's eyes. Abruptly he turned and left the room. The door closed behind him and after a few moments a thud was heard from the hall. Logan turned sharply looking in the direction of the hall. He was feeling more on edge with Deceit gone. He might not be pleasant, but he was a known constant, this side was a new variable.

“Sounds like Rage is back, he’s got this silly habit of hitting my wall when he comes around. “ the other trait said, attempting to sooth Logan's nerves. Logan looked back to the other side, realizng he'd moved much closer then before, while he'd been distracted. He stood around the same height as Logan, his clothing was a simple button down shirt in the pale grey/blue color, and a pair of grey slacks.

“It’s such a pleasure to finally meet you Logic, I’ve wanted to for so long, but it really is more effort then I can afford for me to stray too far from my room. “ he said to him, making an effort to make his tone sound pleasant. Logan nodded tightly, still feeling a bit on edge.

“And you would be?” he asked quietly, wanting to know who it was Deceit had left him with.

“Oh my manners I’m sorry! I’m Apathy! And I very much want to help you Logic!” He said, sounding the most enthusiastic now then he had before. Logan frowned a little bit.

“Apathy. It means indifference, lack of interest, lack of enthusiasm, lack of concern, unconcern, uninterestedness, unresponsiveness, impassivity, dispassion. That does not sound like what I am looking for when it comes to my... emotions.” Logan said coolly crossing his arms. His dark blue eyes watched as Apathy laughed slightly. Logan wondered why Apathy was so amused.

“Come now Logic! I’m sure one with such knowledge as you knows the origin meaning for my name and being! Recite that for me would you Logic? “He grinned at the Logic side. Logan paused and nodded, of course he knew the origin to the word apathy.

“ It is from the early 17th century: from French apathie, via Latin from Greek apatheia, from apathēs“ He said to him stiffly as he realized where this was going, what he was saying and what it meant. His mouth felt dry as he continued to speak, almost as if he couldn't help himself but to continue.

“Or.. ‘without feeling,’ from a- ‘without’ + pathos“ He had to stop and clear his throat slightly, a feeling of anxiety crawling up his spine.

“With out ‘suffering.’ “ He finished quietly. He stared at Apathy, who was watching him, waiting for him to come to the proper conclusion. Logan frowned trying to understand why one who was "with out" feelings, would want to help him. That didn’t make logical sense to him. As if understanding what train of thought Logic was having, Apathy nodded a bit, his lips pulling into a slight smile once more.

“Exactly! But just like you know Logic! I’m more then just Apathy! Just like you’re more then Logic, and Anxiety is more then his anxiety's so on and so forth! “He said to him. His hand motioned out towards the Mindscape, to encompass all the other sides in this statement.

“So I want to help you.” he added. He put an arm around Logan, who stiffened under the unwelcome contact. Apathy didn't seem to mind the action and continued on as if Logan had responded in a positive way. 

“Why don’t you sit for a bit and we can chat? I can have some tea or coco or coffee brought in here, while we discuss how I could help you with your emotions. ” he asked smiling wider. Despite the unwelcome contact, Logan did have to admit he was curious. What kind of steps would Apathy take to assist him in controlling his emotions? What plan did he have in mind? After a long few moments Logic nodded. He had decided that there was no harm in listening and learning more. He could simply leave, sink out to the Lightsides Mindscape if anything stood out as unusual or dangerous to him.

“Wonderful! Wait here for a moment, I'll ask Deceit to bring us the drinks and snacks! " Apathy said in a delighted tone. His hand squeezed Logan's shoulder before he finally removed his arm from the other's person. Logan relaxed slightly as the unwelcome contact was finally ended. Apathy headed for the door to call out to his little puppet, and have him bring the drinks and something to nibble on while they spoke. Everything was going according to his plan.

Despite the fact the effort of smiling so much hurt his cheeks, Apathy kept it up. He was pleased with how things were going. There was no point in having to get up and run around and do things when you had a puppet. Unseen to Logan’s eyes there were golden yellow threads twined around the fingers of Apathy's left hand. He tugged the threads, calling his exhausted puppet back to his room. Sure Deceit was the puppet master, always playing with his strings, twining them around others to enhance his control over the Darksides, But it really wasn’t all that uncommon for the master to have tangles appear in his threads. Sometimes he even became tangled in his own threads. Apathy discovered once one could get hold of the threads and pull the knots in the right direction, well the Puppet Master became the Puppet. It made his life so much easier. Pull a few threads and mouth a few words and the puppet did all the work! Having the one “In Charge” Of the Darksides under your control, well that made bringing the others to order much easier. Also it was less dangerous for himself! Deceit was the one they saw pulling the threads, so he was the one who got the bruises when something went wrong. Apathy loved it, he got to lounge around and pull strings and reap all the rewards. It appealed to his apathetic nature greatly. Just as he'd said though, he was far more then just apathy. 

He’d had Deceit whittling away at Logan's self control for a couple of months now. Slipping in when Logic was at his most exhausted, and most vulnerable, and distracted with his work. Whispering about control and lack of it, and what would happen if he slipped with his emotions. This last video had given Apathy the perfect in though on the light sides. He’d only needed to find the one little chink in Logic’s armor, and harming another side physically had been it. Combining Deceit's lies, with a dash of Rage’s energy and the domino’s fell on their own. Apathy barely had to lift his fingers.

Already he could tell that his energy was working it’s way into Logic’s mind and body. The sharp blue color was starting to take a faded out hue on the very edges of Logan's tie. Soon enough he’d have a new puppet on the Light Sides, and he could work on getting them all under his thumb as well. He spoke to Deceit at the door before sending him off to get the items wanted. He turned back to Logic and would guide him towards a table and set of chairs, ready to chat with the Logical side about his emotions and how Apathy could help him with them.

Soon enough he'd be the one controlling the entire Mindscape.. and Thomas would do as he wished and directed. The thought was quite pleasing to him. No more unnecessary actions, or silly behaviors. He'd make Thomas do as he wanted, be apathetic, still and quiet. It would be bliss.

Just because he was Apathy, didn’t mean he wasn’t ambitious.


End file.
